saata VOL: 2, ISSUE: 1 - JANUARY 2018 facebook

SAATA ITAA Conference-2016 team
A Journey to Discover Self - Tasnuva Huque home

Tasnuva Huque, is doing her Certified Transactional Analyst (CTA) program under P.K. Saru. She is working in a private University of Bangladesh. She loves to travel, explore new things. She believes, in the core of mind we all are beautiful.

The journey of discovering myself in a different way started with the journey of Transactional Analysis (TA). I got the first exposure with TA from my teachers during my masters in Counseling Psychology. It was an interesting experience to understand and explore myself. I learned different concepts of TA through an experiential learning process and from that process I discovered myself also. For example, in the discussion on egogram, I drew my egogram and found that my Free Child ego state was very low and Critical Parent was high. I was excited to find something new that can help me make changes. Ahaaa…. I was surprised to find that while the awareness is good to have, it is still not enough to make changes. Nowadays, I become aware of my negative Adaptive Child ego state and find it difficult to activate my Free Child ego state. Most of the time, I struggled to make the changes. Later on, I could explore myself more when I was in TA 101 course conducted by P.K. Saru (Teaching and Supervising Transactional Analyst, Psychotherapy). In that course when I learned about injunctions, I found that I have most of the injunctions in my script. My predominant injunction was “Don’t be a child” which may be a cause of my low Free Child. During my diploma phase, in the script work, it was so difficult for me to recall the verbal instructions from my parents. I was surprised what was happening within me. Recently in a training, I participated in an experiment of two-chair technique. In the exercise, two parts of myself (Adapted Child and Critical Parent ego states) were talking. In one point, I felt it is my mother’s voice in my Critical Parent ego state. The words were blended in such a way that sometimes I could not separate my mother’s voice from myself. It was a great experiential learning for me. I realized there are lots of things of my mother I do not like, still they exist within me. Moreover, I do not like my Child ego state fully. Because of that, I could not accept myself the way I am and could not allow myself to make any mistake, have fun, and belong where I am. The low acceptance of self also creates the difficulty within me to accept and reject strokes. In addition, when I was going through the script process, I found my predominant script type is ‘after script’. Yes, I could not enjoy the fun fully because my anxiety says ‘something bad will happen’ and stops my Free Child from having fun. In some other cases, I have ‘almost type 1’ script that is a tendency of doing something but not finishing the task. I experienced this when I was starting to write for this newsletter also. After getting the invitation I was so excited but afterward, I could not finish my writing within the time limit.

To me this is an ongoing and never ending process to discover self. I am discovering myself, unfolding myself. I am breaking my script in many ways. By taking the decision to make changes, I am activating my Adult ego state. This article is also a step to fulfill my here-and-now wish, rather than maintaining the script pattern. I am taking care of myself and my choices. I am taking personal hour also to heal myself and regularly do some exercise. Besides, when I become aware that I am leaving the task because of my ‘almost type 1’ script pattern; I am challenging myself to fulfill the task to break the script. Now, in the journey of discovering self, I am focusing on my strengths. I know I cannot change myself overnight. I am taking the space; giving self-permission to be relaxed.

It is a wonderful journey of being with self.

“The journey toward self-discovery is life’s greatest adventure.” Arianna Huffington

arr MLL 2018
- Sarmishta Mani
arr The Rewarding CTA Journey
- Karolina Jovanoska
arr The Relationship Garden
- Sheena Yusuf
arr Children-The Magical Beings
- Rajeshwari Bharath
arr A Journey to Discover Self
- Tasnuva Huque

Creative Corner
Mental Health
- Jayashree Swaminathan

The plAyground
- Nandhini Thangavelu



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