|
When I first joined T A training in 2013, my only motivation was self-growth.
Trainers invited us to chalk out a plan to write the exam. I also made a plan nonetheless, but I was oblivious of what it entailed. During the first few years it was a process of learning some theoretical concepts, deepening my work with clients through supervision, but a major part of that time was spent in becoming aware of my script at various levels and figuring out ways to deal with whatever emerged.
When I started writing my exam in 2018, I was on a break from training and soon realised writing alone would be a harder and lonely journey. While I have authored books, writing the exam was a different kettle of fish. It was not as simple as just putting my thoughts on paper, it was a competitive exam. There were standards to maintain and criteria to follow.
As I started writing several times, I hit my script. The worst was when I had done a large chunk of my case study and feedback from a different supervisor, which I interpreted as ‘my work is lousy’, got disheartened and took a break from writing.
Much later when I again started my writing work, I realised I had discounted the positive feedback given by that supervisor and focussed on critical remarks using my filters.
With a 4-year break in training – I realised how much a group matters in a journey like this. Therefore, I joined a group to strengthen my theory base and also to challenge my script. The group helped me be seen. I was also, perhaps, more ready to take risks. I began experiencing an internal shift. The content of my Child ego state started getting restructured. With this shift I was experiencing, alongside with the unconditional support of my supervisor I managed to complete and submit my written exam.
Passing the written exam was the biggest academic achievement of my life. “Did this really happen?” I read the mail a couple of times to trust the results. I was elated.
Preparation for Orals was much more intense. If I thought writing was tough, preparing for orals seemed much more demanding. Spending hours listening to the tapes, writing transcripts, selecting 5-minute piece which I could showcase, conceptualizing each piece, was time consuming. But I must say I loved the multi-layered learning process. Through all this my supervisor held the space for me, for which I will be ever grateful to her.
Each and every mock exam brought along loads of learning not only academically but at the core level as well. Transference and counter transfer started getting played out which offered an opportunity for further growth.
I must say despite the challenges I thoroughly enjoyed the experience of well thought out mock exams. I also experienced the power of community feeling. Apart from my primary supervisor, many other supervisors, colleagues and friends accommodated sessions for me to support me. My deep gratitude to all who extended their support unconditionally.
I also realised that the most significant part of the process is to trust oneself. I presented a tape in the finals which was disapproved by all the examiners in the Mock exams. Although I was disheartened, I chose to take the risk as I trusted the work that I had done. My trust was endorsed by a friend and colleague which gave me the confidence to go ahead and take the risk while helping me prepare better. I will always be indebted to that friend who trusted my work.
The other important aspect was to step out of comfort zone and ask for help from friends and colleagues which was one of the biggest challenges for me.
Last but not the least I believe that having the support of a therapist is extremely helpful during this process - not only to address the transferential occurrences but also to access the power within.
My sharing would be incomplete if I didn’t share my experience of the final Oral exam which, I think, is sensitively designed and brilliantly structured. It was like all the principles of ethical grid of ITAA came alive during the exam process. The examiners created such an OK -OK space for me, (Respect), the role of supervisor for the examiner (Responsibility), the presence of a Process facilitator (for protection of candidate), strokes that I received from examiners, everything was so empowering.
What an enriching experience! Given a choice I would go through the whole experience of Orals all over again just to experience the richness of it.
|
